EXTRACT: YOUR VOICE IN MY HEAD BY EMMA FORREST...

This is an extract from Emma Forrest: “Your Voice in My Head”.  Now I know a lot of people have mixed opinions regarding Ms Forrest (myself included). Therefore, it’s fair to say some of you will not appreciate or be in agreement with my decision to post an extract from her book here on the blog.  However, as the book clearly refers to Colin Farrell, albeit not directly by name, I do believe it is a worthy piece of information to transmit.  

If you want to read my own personal opinion please go to the 'POST PAGE'.
http://gemini-postpage.blogspot.com/2011/01/re-your-voice-in-my-head.html 
 

EXTRACT: YOUR VOICE IN MY HEAD

It has been five years since I've self-harmed when, at a dinner in LA, I am introduced to a man with long, flowing hair who is wearing a keffiyeh. He looks like the world's campest terrorist, but he's actually a movie star with a storied reputation. In the candle-lit garden, we sit next to each other and talk, and he admits later that every single thing he tells me is intended to translate as, "I'm not like you've heard I am." It works.

"I've been seeing someone you would probably consider inappropriate," I tell my sister.

"A neo-Nazi?"

"No."

Her voice becomes dark. "Not Russell Brand? Tell me it's not Russell Brand."

Since he is neither a neo-Nazi nor Russell Brand, the family doesn't worry about my new boyfriend.

He worries a lot. He doesn't like it that my front gate doesn't close properly, so, though he is on a film set thousands of miles away, he sends builders to fix it and make me a bolt lock for my front door. He doesn't like the way I can't open my windows at night because I don't have screens to stop the cats getting out. He sends the builders to make screens.

Whenever he comes home from making a movie, he brings me back strange things. He FedExes, from Spain to LA, a single Werther's toffee. My LA girlfriends, the ones who have been here too long, snipe, "No diamonds?" and I explain I wouldn't wear diamonds, never have. "Yes, but he doesn't need to know that."

"He knows that," I say, and understand, myself, the answer to the question all the gossips are asking: "Why is he with her?"

An hour into a late-night phone call, he broaches a new topic. "When I get back from this film, let's have a miniature human, that grows."

I freeze, look around my bedroom for witnesses.

"A baby?"

"Yeah, one of them."

"You're coughing," I tell Dr R at the start of our midweek phone session. "Do you have a cold?"

"I'm fine."

I wonder if I knew this would be the last time we'd ever speak, after nearly a decade of conversation, and that's why I filled the time with flighty inanities, so he'd know I was fine.

I'm ashamed to say I wrap up my session with Dr R before our 50 minutes are up. I say he sounds sick. "I'll call you if I need you," I say, though I've a feeling it won't be for a while. I am doing so well, and have been for the past year. And then we hang up.

The next time I call, Dr R's machine picks up but with a new greeting: "Due to a medical issue, this office is closed. This machine will not take messages."

I open an email that has been sent to an account I rarely check. It has been there some time. Dr R has died, aged 53, leaving behind his wife and two boys.

Around the time I find out about Dr R, the newspapers find out about my relationship. We read obsessively the nasty comments. I am fat and ugly. He is unwashed. We are pregnant.

Yet I am happy. We are happy, and we've been this way for six months now. It's the longest I can remember. It's not mania. We don't need each other. We just really, really enjoy each other. And we're good people together. I love him and, for the first time in a relationship, I also like me.

We agree to a road trip across America when he gets back. He asks me to book out Christmas and my birthday for a trip to Istanbul. He's decided that we should definitely start trying for a baby in January. I want everything he wants.

"The only thing I know for certain," he writes, "is that I want us to be family."

He texts me from the plane to say he'll be in my arms in a few hours and our life together will begin in earnest. 

Then he turns off his phone and the plane takes off.

When he arrives at my door, he is trembling. "I think I need space," he says.

It takes me a while to understand this is him leaving our relationship. A thought occurs. "Did you think that if we had a baby, you wouldn't be able to leave? Is that why you wanted me to get pregnant?"

"Maybe. That might be true." He can't look at me because he is crying so hard.

I lock myself in the bathroom. I call from under the door: "You can go now."

"Em. Please let me in! Em!"

"I'm fine. Please leave now."

"Have you cut yourself?"

"No."

"Are you going to?"

"I don't think so."

"Promise me!"

"I can't."

But I don't cut. I don't do that any more.

I need Dr R more than I ever have, but instead I have to get through this break-up myself, like normal people do. Only I'm not normal and this is not a normal situation. Because they don't know that it's over, his online fan community continue to say that I'm fat and ugly. I  look at the comments about us compulsively and, though I understand that reading them is a version of self-mutilation, I can't figure out how to stop.

It is in an internet cafe, six months after our break-up, that I open an email a kindly journalist has sent me, with a photo of my ex hand in hand with his new girlfriend, wearing a dress that reveals her to be in her second trimester of their pregnancy. I'm not quite sure what I'm supposed to do. I know I'm supposed to cut myself. 

Or there's that bottle of pills I've had in my handbag these last miserable months.

I walk the hour home. Eventually, the impulse fades.

Suicide has always haunted me, but I'm not going to kill myself. I am never going to kill myself. I am going to accept the darkness, and I'm going to make something from it. The bottle of pills goes back in the cupboard, for use, as needed, with headaches.

At the end of the week, Mum sends me a letter from London:

"It will get better now. You can allow the whole thing to recede. You've had your movie star. He's had his smart, funny, sensitive girl from something like the real world. You'll find someone more grounded. He'll find someone tougher. Done." It might have been written by Dr R.

SOURCE: http://www.guardian.co.uk/books/2011/jan/08/emma-forrest-your-voice-my-head-extract

COLIN NEARLY GAVE UP ACTING...

YOUNG GUN COLIN

QUOTE: UNQUOTE

Colin Farrell spiraled into a deep depression after his blockbuster Alexander flopped - and even considered turning his back on acting for good.

The Irish actor starred as Alexander the Great in Oliver Stone's 2004 epic, and was crushed by the negative reviews his performance generated. Farrell subsequently fell into a slump and admits he felt the need to apologize to everyone who might have seen the movie.

He recalls, "That was tough. I say tough relative to a charmed life, but I'm not going to apologize for how much it affected me emotionally and psychologically. I was going to walk away from acting. I couldn't even buy a packet of cigarettes without feeling like I needed to say sorry to the guy behind the counter just in case he happened to see the thing."

The star became even more withdrawn following the box office failure of Miami Vice in 2006.

He adds, "I just completely fell to s**t on that one. It was literally the first time I couldn't say to anyone around me, 'Have I been late for work, have I missed any days, have I been hitting my marks?' Because the answers would have been yes, yes, and no... I lost the ability to be confident that I could make a change myself."

When the film wrapped, Farrell managed to turn his life around after a stint in rehab.

SOURCE:
http://www.starpulse.com/news/index.php/2010/12/31/colin_farrell_fell_apart_after_alexand

NOWADAYS COLIN LEAVES THE BUILDING UNNOTICED...

Alcohol-free Colin Farrell

I take my hat off to Colin; I've tried so many times to knock alcohol on the head, but so far my attemtps have been unsuccessful... well done that man! : - D

QUOTE:

Teetotal COLIN FARRELL has no problems watching his friends boozing - because giving up alcohol was "the best decision" of his life.

The Miami Vice star began drinking at a young age and became heavily dependent on the bottle in the early days of his Hollywood career.

He quit alcohol in 2006 when he realised how serious his addiction had become - and has never regretted the decision.

Farrell says, "I didn't lose any friends because of it. It doesn't bother me watching mates getting drunk when we're out.

"It was the best decision in my whole life. Now I go home at 1am instead of 4am - not that they would notice."

SOURCE:

http://www.contactmusic.com/news.nsf/story/farrell-has-no-regrets-about-teetotal-lifestyle_1192000

COLIN SUPPORTING THE "DEBRA IRELAND" ORGANIZATION

Colin with the beautiful Claudia Collins

EXTRACT:

ACTOR Colin Farrell said he identifies with the parents of children with a crippling skin disease, as his own son Suffered from health problems.

Although he has yet to do his Christmas shopping, the Hollywood star took time out to listen to the stories of families affected by epidermolysis bullosa (EB).
 

The actor braved the snowy Conditions to meet people from Debra Ireland, the organization provides nursing support Which is a so-called butterfly children, Whose skin blisters at the Slightest Touch.

He spent close to two hours chatting to the families before whisking eight lucky women off for a slap-up meal in Shanahan's on the Green. 

Colin's own son James (7) was misdiagnosed with cerebral palsy for a year-and-a half before doctors subsequently discovered that he has a rare condition -- Angelman Syndrome.

The Dublin actor said he empathised with the parents who had children with health problems, but said that each story was different. 

"Everyone's journey is specific to them. So I can't say I understand how the parents feel -- the confusion and fear, concern for the future of their children, nor can I understand the pain they are going through," he told the Herald. 

"But at the same time I have my own version of the experience."

The actor, who travelled by ferry to get home in time for Christmas and still has presents to buy, said that he was particularly touched by Emma Fogarty's story.

Emma (26) is the patient ambassador with Debra Ireland and has had since birth.  Her fingers are fused together, she finds it difficult to walk and has spent months in hospital.

But the determined young woman has helped to raise awareness of EB.

Colin said his son James has a number of health problems, but he couldn't imagine the pain and suffering experienced by children with EB.

"With James's condition -- there is not really that much pain involved," he said.

"But with EB there is so much pain and discomfort on a daily basis and just being incredibly cautious not to knock things."

"It's just astonishing what some people deal with on a daily basis - how it's just the simple things we take for granted, that we are so fortunate."

The actor took eight women affected by EB and lucky Herald readers, along with CEO of Debra Ireland Jimmy Fearon, to a private dinner date.

Emma Fogarty, Lisa Doran, Eimear Flood, Linda Kenny, Liezel Kennelly, Liz Collins, Bernadette Gorman and Ann Russell were transferred between the reception in Deloitte and the dinner at Shanahans in Mercedes S Class cars, provided by Town & Country Chauffeur Services, Blackrock.

And because of the weather conditions, the ladies who travelled from outside Dublin were put up in the Westbury Hotel.

Colin told the Herald: "I think this will be a completely enriching experience for me.

"I'm really grateful that I can be here, have a laugh and hopefully we can have a lovely dinner and that in itself is reason enough for me to come home."

https://www.debraireland.org/events/event-item/?guid=6fce3239-ee00-4b63-b4f8-4c1333d1b828

http://www.herald.ie/

DON'T GET STRANDED WITH COLIN - HE MIGHT EAT YOU!

QUOTE:

Colin Farrell is a "big girl's blouse".

The Irish actor - who plays a tough tattooed Russian in new movie 'The Way Back' - admitted that despite his hard man image he is not the bravest person in the world.

He said: "To be honest with you, I'm a big girl's blouse. I wouldn't be into spiders and stuff. I wouldn't be a fan of things with more than four legs. I get suspicious."

However despite his hatred of creepie crawlies, Colin does have a fondness for snakes. He told Irish TV station TV3: "Snakes I don't mind. I wouldn't like one wrapped around my neck or taking a lump out of me but I don't mind them too much."

Colin stars with Ed Harris, Jim Sturgess and Saoirse Ronan in 'The Way Back' - based on a true story about soldiers who escaped from a Siberian gulag in 1940 and endured a 4,000 mile trek to freedom in India - and revealed he was impressed by the soldiers' tenacity because he wouldn't hesitate to turn to cannibalism if he was in the same situation.

When asked which of his co-stars he would eat first, he joked: "It would have to be Saoirse Ronan because women are softer than men.

"I'm not saying they're not as strong, it's a different type of softness but it'd have to be Saoirse."

 
SOURCE:
http://www.contactmusic.com/news.nsf/story/colin-farrell-is-a-softie_1191461

COLIN BACK HOME IN DUBLIN...

Here we see Colin in preparation for his return to Dublin 

... minus the coat, hat, scarf, & gloves!

QUOTE:

Our favourite Hollywood star Colin Farrell is back in Dublin for Christmas and as Clare was telling you earlier she spotted him in Donnybrook last night, and he’s been seen out and about in the city this morning, so keep your eyes peeled. Colin must be enjoying our cold snap as he revealed to me recently he gets a bit sick of the heat living in LA.

SOURCE:
http://www.98fm.com/2010/category-entertainment/gossipgirl/category-showbiz/colin-farrell-in-dublin/